Gage, our beloved family pet passed away on March 28, 2013.
He couldn't walk or do much of anything on Saturday night (we believe he endured some sort of heart failure) and on Sunday his breathing was labored and was taken to the vet. He actually was full of cancer, but struggled with it all for years. He left our life Sunday morning, just shy of 13.5 years old.
We will all miss him greatly and deeply. Besides his smell, problems and weakness, he was a wonderful dog. I don't think many people realize how great of a dog he actually was. I got him as a Valentine's Day gift in 2000 at a few weeks old and I trained him as a puppy; it didn't take much time for him to learn anything. He listened, he was patient, and he loved other dogs and children. He used to carry around a stuffed duck and I would hide it among other stuffed animals in my room. I would tell him to go find the duck and he would come back with it every time. He was just a fun dog to have in our family. I am glad to have had so much time with him, I will also miss him so much.
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”
― Will Rogers
May 1st....
A few months ago I was hoping that May 1st would bring me joy, delight and happiness, but I think I am going to have to push that back to June 1st.
These past few months - maybe even the entire past year - have been especially hard on me. Mom being sick, Dad being sick, leaving my second job, mom passing away, leaving my boyfriend, Dad having knee surgery, and now Gage passing away, have all led me to believe that I need to start taking care of myself and I need to start worrying about exactly what it is I want for my future. I think I know.
This month, as a tribute to my mother and just for my own health and safety in general I am going to take a break from drinking. I used to binge drink on the weekends, but now that I am between homes it started to become a nightly thing. Some nights it would be a beer after work, some nights it was binge drinking, some nights I was out with friends on a weeknight, getting home relatively early but also spending way too much money and also having to walk everywhere for fear of getting a DUI. Not only that, but waking up with a hangover pretty much every other day or so is not fun, especially as you get older. I've taken on more responsibilities at work and have found it hard to pay attention and remember details when I'm hungover. I drank for 12 days straight. 12 days. 12 days was really enough.
It'll be rough, but I have some things lined up that I need to do not hungover and not drunk, so in the meantime I realized I should take a little break. I haven't had a drink since Sunday. I will not drink again until Sunday, May 26... unless I don't want to anymore. I am not saying that I am never going to drink again, I'm sure I will, but I definitely need to take a break. I need to clean out my system. I'm stressed, depressed and scared, but I feel that this is a necessary step for the next month.
I've recently dubbed the month of May to "The 3 M's" [Mother's Day, (12) Moving Day (25) & Mom's Birthday(27)]. These are three things that I have to endure within the next 26 days, and to be brutally honest, they frighten me. Usually I would just decide to endure them in a drunken haze, numb the pain, fill the void, but I think I owe it to my mother to do this for her. In my eyes, May is her month. Between Mother's Day and her birthday and now moving to an apartment on "Marina Drive" with the address that is backwards from her own, it just seems like the right thing to do.
So here's to a sober month. June, I am waiting impatiently for you. This summer is going to be incredible though, because I am going to make sure it is.
“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”
― Edgar Allan Poe
